the Dream Team by batya forsyth
The 5 Relatives We Left Off the Caregiving Dream Team Roster
The Whiner
The Bully
The Lazybones
The Hand-Wringer
The Big Spender
Do you remember the Dream Team? The U.S. Olympic men’s basketball team stacked with NBA superstars? I don’t recall the exact year or the rule change that let pros compete, but I do remember this: they crushed every opponent and waltzed to the podium virtually untouched to collect their gold medals.
When my sister Leslie, our adopted brother Mark (our stepfather Sam’s best friend and former nephew-in-law—a different story for a very different memoir), and I teamed up to help Sam transition from his home to assisted living, we called ourselves The Dream Team. We named our group text thread that and used it like a verbal high-five every time we got something—anything—done. The Dream Team notably excluded certain other siblings, who either couldn’t or wouldn’t participate. One had a habit of swooping in late with dramatic opinions and zero actions. Thanks a lot, Lazybones! Another popped into the group thread only to ask how much the house might sell for. I’ll get right on that, Big Spender!
The three of us ran the court like pros. We worked together to shoulder the emotional landmines and investment of time that come with family caregiving and it was working.
As an attorney and trustee, I handled finances, contracts, and real estate. Mark, Sam’s closest and most trusted companion, covered medical appointments, furniture removal, assisted living tours, negotiation, and tough-love conversations like, “I sold your car,” and “No, the pool table is not worth $5K.” Leslie, despite living abroad, housed Sam for months, survived him deleting her entire Kindle library with the “thumb of death,” and flew to California multiple times to help with packing, selling the house, research and cheerleading.
We had regular Dream Team calls, made decisions together, and gave each other the gift of peace: none of us was doing this alone. We laughed. We grumbled. We showed up for each other—and for Sam—all the way through.
Sam loved his new place. He started “Sam’s Dominoes Club” (five days a week, thank you very much), made new friends, and brought his signature warmth to both staff and residents.
High five to the Dream Team!
dōteworthy:
Laurie Levin is everybody’s favorite sibling. Get in touch with her through her website another mother’s daughter
Coordinating care with others—even the right others—can get messy fast.
Try Lotsa Helping Hands—a free tool for sharing updates, assigning tasks, and keeping everyone (even the Hand-Wringer) in the loop. Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t the care—it’s the group project disguised as a family.
dōtenote
drop us a line letting us know about the strengths of the members of your team and your high fives!