Touring Assisted Living? Use Your Senses (and Your Sense of Humor) A Gen X Guide to Sniffing Out the Right Aged Care
Top 5 Senses to Use When Touring an Assisted Living Facility
1. Smell: Take deep breaths as you walk around. Does it smell like lemon cleaner… or regret?
2. Sight: Look around. Do the residents seem engaged? Does the vibe whisper “pleasant” or scream “run”?
3. Taste: Eat a meal. If the veggies taste like…veggies, that’s a good sign.
4. Touch: Sit on the furniture. Is it comfortable or crappy “IKEA circa 1993”?
5. Hearing: Is there laughter? Music? Idle chatter? Or is it eerily quiet?
And your Gut: Trust it. We’re Gen X — we’ve survived dial-up internet, global recessions, and eating Pop-Tarts as a food group. Our instincts are sharp.
At Mom’s assisted living, the big perk was the “outing van,” the one that shuttled residents to Trader Joe’s, botanical gardens, symphony matinees, and museum exhibits. Mom loved it… until she didn’t.
Why?
Who the f** knows.*
Not good enough for Phyllis!
Because here’s the thing: nearly every assisted living has the same menu of offerings — the van, the daily calendar, the dining room (no pajamas!), the sitting room, clubs, lectures, movies, crafts, the beauty parlor, the resident mailroom. Honestly? On paper, it looks like a liberal arts college for people who’ve already earned every degree in life.
But choosing the right place means showing up with all five senses firing. So, during one of my visits, I did my own unofficial walkthrough with Mom:
The Walking Tour (Mom’s Version vs. My Version)
Me (Pointing at a hallway gallery full of resident art):
Mom! Look at this! There’s real talent here. This is gorgeous!
Mom:
Mmm.
Me (checking the calendar while waiting for the elevator):
Mom, there’s a lecture tomorrow on the electoral college by an actual poli sci professor. That sounds amazing, right?
Mom:
Not great.
Me:
Okay… what about this? A trip to Filoli Gardens next week. Sign-up sheet at the front desk. Want to go?
Mom:
No.
Me:
What about rummy cube hour? You love rummy cubes!
Mom:
I don’t feel like it.
Me:
Mom… maybe… prozac?
Mom:
I’ll get back to you.
We went to the dining hall next. It was genuinely lovely — a chef stopped by tables to check in like it was Top Chef: Assisted Living Edition.
Me:
This salmon is really delicious. Great quality.
Mom:
Meh.
After dinner, we headed back to the 5th floor. Mom’s floor had a cozy sitting area, shelves of books, bright artwork on the walls — the whole thing looked like the adult version of the library she used to drag my sister and me to as kids.
Me:
Mom! A library on your floor! And the big one downstairs with the newspapers? This place is incredible.
Mom:
There’s a new season of Outlander. I’m going to my room.
Me:
Okay, mom. Enjoy.
As the elevator doors closed, I was still reading the daily schedule, mentally planning her hypothetical new life there — lectures! gardens! social clubs! — while she was already halfway to Fraser’s Ridge.
dōte.worthy:
Elke Takin helped me find more than one housing suggestion for my mom. As she just said to me in an email:
Dear Lisa
So good to hear from you! It would be an honor to be mentioned. As you know, I love what I do and all the people I get to meet along the way 🤗
Elke S. Tekin
650-678-4221
Elkestekin@gmail.com
Check out this article if you are concerned that your parent may need a bit of help but you are not sure 5 Steps to Take When Home Care Isn't Working - A Place for Mom
And how about co-housing as an option for Gen Xers to start thinking about? Here is an article from Next Avenue… A Commitment to Aging Well | Next Avenue
dōte.note:
Are you thinking of helping your aging loved one move into Assisted Living? share your story with dōt.age