When Your Parent Needs a Geriatrician (But Thinks They’re Just Going for a ‘Meet & Greet’) aka: My Mom, 14 Specialists, One Panic Attack, and Louise Aronson, MD
Top 5 Signs It’s Time for Your Parent to See a Geriatrician
Their medication list is longer than your CVS receipt.
You forget your meds because you’re managing all of theirs.
They’ve had a fall — or multiple “almost-falls” they insist don’t count.
Something feels “off,” but you can’t explain it to Dr. Google.
Their fridge is a biohazard zone and you can’t face excavating it again.
What Happened to Your Mother?
When Mom moved to California at 70, I told everyone within a three-mile radius,
“Now we will finally find out what’s wrong with my mother.”
Part of the deal was signing her up with an entirely new medical team, which she loved, because my mother — a retired New Business Development Manager — was spectacular at getting professionals to pay attention to her personal brand: Phyllis: The Patient Who Will Not Be Ignored™.
I took her to everyone:
A shrink (wacko — and I’ve seen some wackos).
A geriatrician (who triggered a full panic attack).
A hand surgeon (7th opinion — lucky number?).
A neurosurgeon (changing her 1990s seizure meds nearly gave me a seizure).
A geriatric dentist she managed exclusively on her own through paratransit. Let’s just say she befriended a taxi driver, got her private number, and suddenly had 24/7 concierge dental transport… for cash. Because, Phyllis: That’s How I Roll!™
Enter Louise Aronson, MD, MFA — and Elderhood author
In 2021, I read Elderhood Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life, by Dr. Louise Aronson, a book defining aging as a real, full life stage — not a decline, but a whole life philosophy.
So imagine my shock when, on my way up to Mom’s 5th-floor room, I saw a flyer:
LOUISE ARONSON SPEAKING TODAY.
Me: Mom, Louise Aronson is speaking here! How cool is that?
Mom: Who is she?
Me: She’s a leading geriatrician, educator, professor at UCSF—
Mom: I have a geriatrician at UCSF.
Me: True, but you don’t like her.
Mom: True. Tell me more.
So I read her bio:
Me: Undergrad, Brown.
Mom: Good.
Me: Graduate school, Harvard.
Mom: Better.
Me: UCSF!
Mom: Hmm… (East Coast bias dies hard.)
Me: Pulitzer Prize finalist.
Mom: She didn’t win?
Me: MFA.
Mom: I appreciate that.
Me: 2019 Influencer in Aging.
Mom: What is an influencer? Is that on Netflix?
Me: Humanism in Aging award winner.
Mom: This could work in my favor. Fine, I’ll leave my room.
Because clearly, Mom believed the lecture might end with:
“Phyllis, you’re next — step into my exam room.”
The Lecture: A Full Phyllis Production
We sat together. Mom was enthralled.
Afterward, she rushed the stage like a teenager at a Beatles concert. I had not seen her move like that in YEARS. She was determined. Did she think she would get an appointment right then and there? Did she believe Dr. Aronson would follow her home with a stethoscope? Did she expect Dr. Aronson would join her book club? It was amazing what Phyllis could do when she put her mind to it. Once, when we were in New York, I arrived at her hotel room to find her resting on the bed, toggling between Days of Our Lives and Phil Donahue, when I casually mentioned, “There’s a really handsome older gentleman in the lobby. I think he’s famous.” Without saying a word, Phyllis threw the remote across the room, sprang up, and bolted out the door, while somehow managing to apply lipstick and touch up her mascara before the hotel door slammed shut.
Mom: Dr. Aronson said she’ll come do a housecall! She told me to call her later. Gave me her number and everything.
Me: Mom… I think what she said was: “Call my office.”
(Moms hear what they want to hear.)
Spoiler:
The ‘housecall’ became an official appointment at the Osher Center.
Thankfully only two blocks away.
Me: Mom, how about we try walking there?
Mom: I don’t think so.
Me: (thinking out loud) Right, a two person transfer*. I will see if Sandy is available.
*NOTE: Helpful glossary for this kinda shit: Two-person transfer = one person drives, the other person manages the rollator, the doors, and the Phyllis. I.e. I drive, my spouse, Sandy, handles the rest.
The Appointment — And “The Question”
As I scheduled Mom’s follow-up — still dazzled by Dr. Aronson’s grace with her newest superfan, aka Phyllis — she pulled Sandy aside for a quick sidebar. Later, Sandy told me exactly what I missed:
Dr. Aronson: Did your mother-in-law suffer some sort of trauma?
Sandy: Nope.
Dr. Aronson: That you didn’t know about?
Sandy: Nope, that’s just Phyllis.
Dr. Aronson: Hmm…
When the geriatrician is confused, you know you’ve brought in a real original to her office.
dōte.worthy:
read about louise aronson and her book elderhood here
geriatrics in real life , dr. ellie fishbein is my new favorite instagram influencer and gray monster has a fabulous write up on dr. ellie and her work in geriatrics.
dōte.note:
Does your aging loved one see a geriatrician? share your story with dōt.age or just comment here on substack.